People say, “We’re negotiating all the time” but that’s actually inaccurate. When we interact with people day-to-day we do negotiate more often than we realize, but we’re not negotiating all the time.
What’s more accurate is to say, “We’re trying to influence all the time.” Because we are.
Every word we say or write to another person is an attempt to influence their thinking.
The sentence you just read was written by me to influence your thinking that every word we say or write to another person is an attempt to influence their thinking.
“Good morning” is the most basic phrase of influence. Depending on how you say it:
“Good morning!!!” to bring joy and happiness to the start of someone’s day;
“...morning…” as a way to say, “Don’t talk to me until I have had my coffee”
we are using that traditional phrase to influence another person’s mood or action.
What we are missing is the awareness that we are always trying to influence others. We communicate in a reflexive fashion, express negative emotions and then wonder why someone doesn’t want to agree to what we have proposed.
If you want to get a “yes” to whatever you’re trying to do, you need the right words with the right person at the right time. And the words really matter.
Want to be more influential? Pause before you speak and think about the words you’re about to use. Negative words will create a negative environment. Words of inquiry will create curiosity. Positive words will create a positive mood.
“Yes” is one of the hardest words for people to say. “Yes” means risk. “Yes” ends options. To get a “yes” you must create a conversation of trust so the other person is not afraid of “yes.”